My first reaction is what beauty? I’ve definitely crossed over to the invisible side. I rather prefer it that way…
My whole life my weight has fluctuated quite a bit and my self-image with it. When I’ve been fat, I’ve been ugly — at least in my mind.
But at different times I would go on diets and lose weight. That happened in my late twenties, when I went down to what I weighted in sixth grade after the summer diet my grandmother put me on.
I noticed that the more weight I gained, the less teasing or ogling I’d get from boys and men. Being fat was safer, damn it. I liked being safe. I hid there.